i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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