I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
