Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
