I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
