I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
