haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
