I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
