Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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