i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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