He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I had to cum in my sink.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
