it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
