aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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