So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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