sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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