Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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