things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
