She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
