i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
