I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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