I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
