I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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