Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
