its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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