Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
