she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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