i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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