I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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