i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
