How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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