And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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