I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
