I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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