I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
