your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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