Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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