he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
