Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
