Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
