I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
