sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
