you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
