you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
