holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
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