farters have to be the big spoon...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
