My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
