The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
