In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
organizing the empties. That sober.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
