No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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