if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
