Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
