Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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