Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
false alarm, still single
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
